


Kim Seokjin's 115th Dream

by decapitatem



Category: Bob Dylan (Musician), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M, Songfic, did i mention crack, im not going to find out, oh god why is there a Bob Dylan fandom tag there better not be anything in it but songfic crossovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 02:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11244684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decapitatem/pseuds/decapitatem
Summary: wherein Kim Seokjin, Sea Explorer Extraordinaire, explores the sea, discovers new lands, and generally has a barmy time(or crackfic born at 3am: the pirate edition)





	1. start again! wait a minute now - okay, take two

No one ever said that any errand on the water was a safe or easy one, and certainly not sailing into the blue on a leaky tub full of idiots looking for adventure on undiscovered shores, but on mornings like this, Seokjin tended to find that the frequent life-threatening situations and hard manual labour without any regard for the state of his hands were all worth it. Perched on the topsail yard of the _Mayflower_ with one arm around the mast and the other shielding his eyes from the morning sun, Seokjin took in the view around him. A city boy all his life, he didn't think this view could ever fail to take his breath away.

The sky sprawled out endlessly above him, bursting in brilliant colour as the sun broke the horizon. The sea, hazy in the lifting morning mist, was blessedly (relatively) calm, and the gentle (for once) breathing of the waves was the only sound reaching his ears. Up here on lookout, alone but for the wind snatching at his hair and clothes on a morning almost as beautiful as he was, Seokjin was reminded of why he was here in the first place, why he left his budding idol career to run away with his fellow trainees and sail the ocean blue.

The group hadn't even debuted yet, but already Seokjin was becoming notorious for his stunning beauty. There was talk throughout the company that his looks alone could catapult the group to fame. To iconhood. Stardom. _International_ stardom. Mr. Worldwide Handsome, they called him. Seokjin had been enchanted. It took him a whole thirty seconds to believe that his looks alone could garner love and support from all across the planet, and from then on, there was nothing he wanted more than to see his new dream come true.

So when Namjoon came to him in the dead of night and described to him their fairytale plan, inviting him to run away with them in search of adventure on a ship he won in a rap battle during his dark past as a young rapper on the streets of Ilsan, Seokjin didn't hesitate for a moment and hadn't once since. Becoming an idol was a great way to gain international recognition for his beauty, yes, but travelling the world and receiving confirmation of his stunning good looks from everybody in the world _personally_? That was an even better plan.

Over the months their motley crew had come through many trials together, such as learning how to sail a ship by getting in it and sailing it, battling rival ex-idol ships in deadly dance showdowns for food, water, and decent skincare products and surviving the harrowing experience of learning there was no wifi or wall sockets in the middle of the ocean. But up here, gazing out at the endless unbroken hori- wait. Wait, hold on a minute. Wait wait wait holy shit -

Seokjin snatched a nearby rope and leapt off the yard, swinging down and landing gracefully on the deck. Sprinting to the prow of the ship, he whipped out his handy pocket telescope and poked himself in the eye with it twice before managing to focus it on - could it really be?

Holy son of a-

Holy son of a bitch it was.

'CAPTAIN KIM!'

Seokjin turned on his heel, fucked the telescope over his shoulder and raced to the other end of the ship. He burst through the cabin doors, scrambed down the stairs and through the hold til he skidded into the crew's quarters where his six fellow crew members were still snoring in their hammocks. He took a deep breath.

'LADS!'

Six bodies jerked abruptly from slumber, several started effing and blinding and wondering very loudly where the fire was, and at least three fell with a thump to the floor. Amidst all the ruckus, one voice rang out loud and clear.

'SEOKJIN WHAT THE FUCK?' Namjoon may have been a soft adorable marshmallow but he was their captain for a reason and could make himself heard when he needed to.

Seokjin ducked his chin and looked dramatically back up at the would-be boy band through his eyelashes. Silence fell and Seokjin internally patted himself on the back for his top quality suspense-creating skills and smouldering good looks. He grinned a devilish grin.

'Land ho, boys.'

His words hung in the air for a moment before the room exploded into yelling again and everyone still in a hammock rapidly joined the others on the floor in the sudden mad rush to get up on deck. Seokjin turned and raced back up the stairs, dongsaengs in hot pursuit. Together they burst dramatically through the cabin doors and stopped short in awe.

The view before them was breathtaking. The sun had truly risen now and the early morning fog had lifted. God rays appeared without any clouds at all and focused on one spot on the horizon. All forms of sealife leapt joyously from the water, birds sang, choirs burst into chorus, and a rainbow formed across the sky. Every eye was focused on its centre of curvature. Because there, practically invisible to the naked eye, was what could just have been, if you were optimistic about it, possibly a speck of land.

Never-Became-BTS lost their shit. Cries of 'Oh my god,' 'Is that a fucking blue whale,' and 'Jesus christ that's the most majestic and beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life Hoseok gimme a beat I need to rap about this right now' rang out from every side. Namjoon, however, intelligent and observant captain that he was, was actually looking at what Seokjin was trying to show him. He leapt to the forecastle deck and squinted into the distance. Seokjin joined him, whipping out his handy pocket telescope and handing it to him. Namjoon focused it on the near-invisible speck in the distance, stared at it for a few moments, and lowered the telescope. He turned to Seokjin.

'Could it... could it really be?' he breathed. Seokjin took a step closer and brought his hand up to cup Namjoon's cheek. He heard Namjoon gasp and the telescope slip from his fingers and land with a plop in the sea below. Seokjin stared deep into Namjoon's eyes, and Namjoon returned his gaze, focus only briefly straying downwards. Seokjin leaned in, so close he could feel Namjoon's breath on his plump, pink, freshly-glossed lips. He licked his lips, parted them and whispered,

'Yeah, I'm pretty sure? I mean it's kinda far away and impossible to tell but I'm pretty sure that's land in the distance.'

Tears welled in Namjoon's eyes.

'Foreal, Seokjin? You truly mean it?' he breathed, voice quivering in anticipation and disbelief. Seokjin smiled fondly down at his captain.

'Foreal,' he replied, and he knew all the emotion swelling in his heart could be heard in his words.

Tears fell from Namjoon's eyes and Seokjin was reminded of that thing Namjoon did to his Ryan plushie to make him look like he was crying, because Namjoon was just a big cuddly teddy bear and it looked exactly the same. Namjoon stepped back from Seokjin's grip, eyes shining as he smiled a watery but joyous smile at his hyung, and Seokjin felt himself tearing up too as Namjoon turned away.

'Boys!' he bellowed across the deck to where the others were all hanging over the port rail begging the whale to come back. 'Forget the whale!' Five voices paused in their pleading and five dismayed faces turned to their captain.

'What? But why?' cried Jungkook. 'We were making friends!' His eyes began to go puppydog and Seokjin quickly started poking Namjoon to hurry up before they reached full power or, God forbid, Jimin joined in with the pouty lip, because then they'd never get anywhere but lost chasing a bloody whale.

'We're going over yonder!' Namjoon announced, stepping aside and gesturing to the horizon behind him. The god rays reappeared in the sky and the crew were struck speechless once again.

'That's right!' Namjoon yelled triumphantly. 'Your beautiful, talented, handsome, beautiful, handsome first mate Seokjin has spotted land!' Seokjin blushed and made a charade of modesty. Namjoon just winked at him and continued. 'Cut the engines! Change the sail! Haul on the bowline!'

The crew broke free of thier awed stupor with a great cheer, and took up their leader's words in song. One of Namjoon's greatest talents and one of the reasons he was their captain was his ability to speak words and have them come out as the dopest rhymes on the planet. He would have showcased this talent well as an idol, Seokjin thought, but personally, he preferred to see him dropping ill beats and starting sick fires here, where he truly belonged: on a boat in the middle of the ocean.

Namjoon looked on with pride as his crew got to work. Seokjin stepped forward and threw an arm around his shoulder, squeezing him to his side for a moment. Namjoon looked up to meet his gaze and Seokjin gave him a proud smile of his own before heading to join the others as they created music from Namjoon's words and waves behind his boat. He concentrated hard on being a tough sailor far away at sea and pretended he hadn't noticed the blush that coloured Namjoon's cheeks at his touch or how soft it made him inside. Now was not the time for dwelling on good captain-first mate dynamics and deep, loving broships! This was a ship full of daring, intrepid explorers, and they had a brand new horizon to set sail for.


	2. crazy as a loon

'I think I'll call it America,' Seokjin said as they hit land. The others were busy lowering the rowboat into the water and didn't pay him any attention.

Undeterred, Seokjin whipped out his handy pocket telescope and surveyed their surroundings. They had dropped anchor a short distance out from what looked like a small but bustling village, nestled picturesquely at the foot of a mountain. There was a crowd of people gathering at the waterfront. Seokjin took a deep breath and started running over all his best dad jokes in his head. It was time to charm the locals, and the best way to charm anybody? Dad jokes. Always dad jokes. Everybody loves dad jokes.

Suddenly, the horrifying thought of people who didn't like dad jokes occurred to Seokjin and a weakness came over him and he fell down. The telescope slipped from his grip and rolled overboard, where it fell in the water with a thwack, an 'OW WHAT THE HELL' and a splash. He tried to get up but found he could not stand. Deeming such a bodily response appropriate to the nature of its cause Seokjin acquiesced to the whims of his (beautiful) flesh cage and stayed where he was lying on the deck. He looked up at the sky. That's strange, he thought. I don't remember there being six masts on this ship. Or two suns in the sky, for that matter.

'Jin-hyung, come on!' Seokjin sat up and peered over the rail at the water below. The others were all piled into the boat, ready and raring to go conquer this new, undiscovered land. Seokjin made a miraculous recovery and clambered down the side of the ship to join them.

Yoongi was giggling, perched primly on whatever was under a tarp in the bottom of the boat. Taehyung sat at his feet, scowling and rubbing his head. Jimin and Jungkook had an oar each and were proposing increasingly extravagant punishments for the loser of their upcoming rowing race. Hoseok sat by ready to cox, seeming happy not mentioning the fact that his purpose completely undermined theirs (Seokjin, not fancying rowing in circles for ages, approved). Namjoon had commandeered the remaining bench and was engrossed in the pile of papers on his lap, but looked up when Seokjin tried to sit on the other end of whatever Yoongi was sitting on and nearly catapulted him into the water. He shoved over hurriedly and patted the space beside him for Seokjin to come join.

After another thirty seconds of much yelling and wobbling Seokjin reached Namjoon and sat down. The captain had returned to his papers and was scribbling furiously.

'Whatcha got there?' Seokjin asked as Jimin and Jungkook started rowing.

'I'm writing up some deeds!' Namjoon said, eyes lighting up but staying glued to the page. 'Let's set up a fort and start buying the place with beads!'

'Buy the whole town using beads? Where are we supposed to get beads?' asked Seokjin.

'Jimin has loads of them. He uses them to make Jungkook friendship bracelets, which Jungkook rejects, and then I return the beads to his stash in case of emergencies or towns to be purchased.'

'Oh. Where did Jimin get enough beads to buy a town?'

'Probably nowhere legal. I try not to think about it,' Namjoon said, a dark shadow crossing his face. 'That many beads with that pretty a face? I don't know much about the bead trade in Busan, but back in Ilsan...' He shivered, like the shadow of some terrible memory had blotted out the very sun and the whole world had been plunged into a terrible eternal winter. 'I try not to think about it.'

'Right,' said Seokjin, alarmed. He looked up. They were nearly at the pier now, and the crowd looked like it had doubled in size since he had seen it last. A thought occurred to him and he turned back to Namjoon.

'Joonie, if you're the one writing up the deeds, can't you just write them up in your name instead of the respective owners' and then buying every single property in town?' Namjoon froze in his movements. He turned slowly to Seokjin, looking like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to hug him or kill him, when suddenly -

'Guys, wait, sLOW DOWN -' The rowboat crashed into the side of the pier at full speed and everyone in the boat was thrown forwards. Yoongi fell into the water with a yelp.

'Hoseok! You're the cox! Your entire purpose is to stop things like this happening!' Seokjin yelled from where he was lying in the bottom of the boat. Hoseok did not grace him with a response, which Seokjin supposed he could forgive seeing as he was busy fishing Yoongi out of the water, but lying in a puddle in the bottom of a rowboat with his hair all messed up and Taehyung's foot in his face was still not the kind of graceful entrance he had hoped for.

Namjoon offered him a hand up and he gratefully accepted it, making a face at the soggy feeling of damp ass. They stepped up onto the pier where Yoongi had been laid out, Hoseok sobbing on his knees at his side.

'He's drowned!' he wailed. The assembled crowd gasped in horror.

'No I'm not,' said Yoongi. Hoseok flung himself over his chest.

'I can't believe it! How will we go on?' he caoined.

'I'm literally fine,' said Yoongi.

'Yoongi was our shining light, our beacon of hope and positivity to guide us through difficult times!' Hoseok continued. 'What will we do without his ever-present cheerful grin by our side to buoy us through the darkness?'

'Get off me, I will punch you.'

'Wait... wait! What is this? Is this... could it be? He pressed his ear to Yoongi's chest for a moment and then knelt up with a dramatic gasp, echoed once again by the ever-swelling crowd. 'It is! It's a heartbeat! He's alive!' He broke into joyous tears along with multiple townspeople.

'I was literally in the water for two seconds. I can swim. I am fine. Would you ever-'

'He needs the kiss of life!' Hoseok cried. Yoongi shut up right quick. Hoseok took Yoongi's face in his hands and gazed into his eyes. 'Oh Yoongi-hyung,' he sighed. 'I only hope I can save you!' He then started making out with Yoongi on the ground in front of an entire town.

'I am completely certain that that is not how that works,' said Namjoon from Seokjin's side. On his other side, Jimin fell theatrically to the ground.

'Oh, I have swallowed seawater! I will surely drown! Jungkook, you are the only one who can save me!' Jimin reached his arms out to Jungkook and started making kissy faces at him. Seokjin turned to Namjoon with his very best 'you're the captain, honey, how are you going to deal with the children this time?' face on as Taehyung leapt on top of Jimin instead and started trying to kiss him and Jimin started screeching. Conveniently (or not) for Namjoon, just then was when they were interrupted.

The crowd suddenly replaced their assorted yelling, weeping and intensely enthusiastic offering of CPR services with alarmed whispering and parted like a curtain. Down the gap came what looked like a police officer. Someone near Seokjin groaned sympathetically.

'Ah fuck. You're in the shit now, lads.'

The cop strode to the edge of the pier, leapt right into their rowboat and ripped the tarp off the mysterious object on the bottom of the boat. Which turned out to be...

A pile of harpoons?

'Harpoons!' the cop yelled. 'Harpoons!' he jumped back up onto the pier and waved his finger in the general direction of the seven salty sailors. 'Harpoons!' he yelled, face turning a concerning shade of puce. Hoseok finally stopped pretending he was a limpet and looked up.

'Harpoons!' the cop cried again. 'You're all going away for a long, long time!'

'Wait, what?' asked Namjoon, stepping forward. 'You can't just throw us all in jail just like that, we only just got here! And besides -'

Ten minutes later Namjoon trailed off weakly as the jangling of the guard's keys finally faded away to nothing and the echo of the cell door slamming petered out sadly. He looked at Seokjin. Seokjin looked at him.

'Namjoon.'

'Yeah?'

'Who did you win that ship off and why did they have a pile of harpoons in the rowboat? And what's their exact address. For friendly purposes.'

'Yeah, hyung!' Taehyung chimed in. 'Whales are our friends!' A fond discussion of the blue whale of a few days ago started up in the next cell over.

Namjoon looked at Seokjin like he hadn't the foggiest clue and Seokjin looked at Namjoon like he was a bit of an idiot sometimes but whatever, he forgave him and loved him anyway, but a better question would be -

'Did we just deadass get thrown in jail for carrying harpoons with absolutely no warning or explanation?'

Namjoon looked at him like he hadn't got the foggiest clue what was going on with that either, and Seokjin sighed resignedly. Busting out of prison was a pain in the ass.


	3. at least you're not stuck in a people jam

Seokjin straightened up and brushed the dust off his hands. A gaggle of golf dads stood on the other side of the street staring at him. The unforgiving landscape of beer bellies and knitted vests offended Seokjin's delicate sensibilities, and he made a mental not to golf clap ever again.

'What are you doing all the way over here? Don't they always take back the clown suits when they release prisoners?' the closest dad asked, gesturing at Seokjin's (pink, he was almost sorry to leave) prison uniform. Seokjin flashed him his winningest smile.

'Ah, me? I busted out. Don't even ask me how.'

'What? But that's impossible!' another dad interjected. 'That's - that's the highest security prison there is!' A pitcher slipped from his limp grip and landed on his neighbour's toe as his smug ten-under-par expression melted into one of increasingly intimidated awe. The neighbour didn't notice. Seokjin just smiled serenely at them.

'You - you couldn't've! No one's ever - sweet Teesus!'

The dads all stumbled backwards, falling over each other in their sudden desperate flee. Crying out in shock and fear they ran, leaving clubs and tees scattered on the roadside like the full nappies that burst from the loaded bin bags that disgusting cunts leave on the sides of country roads. Seokjin noticed that while they didn't seem to have taken golf balls with them, there weren't any left on the footpath either. Makes sense, Seokjin figured, considering their immediate collective reaction to his words.

Anyway, back to business. Seokjin needed some assistance. He could bust himself out of jail just fine, but for the others he'd have to go the bail route - but he had no idea where to go to get that kind of money, especially since all of Jimin's beads were out of reach on the ship due to the sad passing of their rowboat after an unfortunate rendez-vous with an erratic officer of the law, who was apparently in the habit of destroying means of transport with the intent of inflicting a curious, if yet unproven effective form of torture for their owners. From what he could see he was near the outskirts of the city, fairly high up the slope of the mountain, but he couldn't gather much more than that without a better vantage point.

Just then, Seokjin noticed a convenient tree, low-hanging branches easily within reach from where it stood just within a large field of grazing cattle. 'That's convenient,' said Seokjin.

Three minutes and several novel ways to get spiders in your face later, Seokjin whipped out his handy pocket telescope and parted the branches in front of him. Ah, this was much better. He could easily see what must have been a banking district only a few blocks away - everybody was walking around looked rich and unsatisfied. He'd head there next, then, and blow kisses at a few middle aged ladies, and soon enough he'd be raking -

'Y'alright there.'

'WHATWHO-' Seokjin's handy pocket telescope flew out of his grip and landed with a crack on the road below as he jumped out of his skin and nearly fell out of the tree. Clinging to the trunk for dear life, he looked around. And then down, because he was in a tree. There was a Guernsey cow looking up at him from the field below.

'Christ, don't fall, you'll break your bloody head, boy. What're you doing sitting around in a tree? You know about money and growing there.'

'Well, actually, on that topic -'

'Ah here, you're not seriously looking for cash in a fecking tree are you. Bloody soft city boys, haven't a knock a sense in them -'

'No, I wasn't looking for money, I was trying to see where I _should_ look for some! I don't suppose you'd know where to get at least four barrels of beads' worth of dolla dolla bills, would you.'

'Well! 'Tis funny you should mention it now, because wasn't I only just talking to Daisy from west along about how her brother's cousin-in-law was looking for bail money for his uncle Fernando (who'd be a third cousin of her brother's wife Buttercup's on her mother's side) cos he got in fierce trouble with the council about a shed he was building up in the yard. You know how it is with planning permission when you're not the Lord himself. And so you know Fernando now, he's just like his father and grandfather before him, can't leave anything alone if he can help it, and so the council starts ringing him up and he's getting well sick of it so one day they call him and he picks up the phone and he goes - '

'ANYWAY, THE BAIL MONEY.'

''- hamster, and your father - ' oh, yeah, yeah. Bowery slums, boy, that's where you're going, third right that way and keep heading downhill. I tell ya, they make out like they're hobos but you should hear some of the stories Bessie the Angus from down by the river could tell you, she was over there once for -'

'OKAY, THANK YOU, I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.'

'- pockets absolutely lined with gold, she says. And of course she was married to a lad from one of the big posh towns on the other side of the hill, although everybody said she only married him for the key to the brand new combine and to tell you the truth of it now, knowing her second cousins -'

Seokjin was two blocks down before the cow was out of earshot, and when he looked back on the third he could still see him talking. Seokjin wasn't sure whether he liked conversations where he couldn't get a word in edgeways. He preferred it when the other person couldn't get a word in edgeways because they were too dazzled by his astounding beauty, which was most of his conversations. He supposed while not being able to account for taste didn't usually apply to his face, maybe a different species altogether was stretching it a bit much. Although, when you considered J-Horse -

Seokjin continued musing on cross-species aesthetics as he wandered through the strangely-deserted streets. He was just rounding another downward-sloping corner when he looked up and suddenly stopped short. He had well and truly reached his destination by now, as was made all too clear by the sight before him. The streets were absolutely packed with some of the most passionate protesters Seokjin had ever seen, and he'd been in Jobstown for the Burton Incident. Everywhere he looked, people carried signs around saying 'Ban the Bums'. But that wasn't what made Seokjin stop short. That was something else entirely. That was the clock on the tower directly opposite him.

The clock that read thirteen minutes past four.

'Shit!' Seokjin couldn't believe he'd dawdled so much along the way. Dashing down to join the protesters, he jumped right into line. 'I hope that I'm not late,' he said, resisting the urge to bite his lip, which was too perfect to chapped.

'It's never too late for political reform,' said the woman next to him. 'Where and what is your sign?'

Seokjin opened his mouth to reply and spontaneously fell down for the second time that day.

'Jeez, you could've just said no,' said the woman, and disappeared grumbling into the crowd.

This is pretty weird, thought Seokjin. I can't stand again. Then he realised that the grumbling he could hear was not, in fact, the woman he had accidentally rejected, but his stomach. Then he realised he was hungry, and then he realised he hadn't eaten for five days straight.

'Oh shit,' Seokjin said, and passed out in the middle of the street, angry protesters swarming all round him like grown men to cheese and crackers after a football match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the cliffhunger


End file.
